The Laws of Life

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by MrApathy, Nov 21, 2006.

  1. MrApathy

    MrApathy Active Member

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    Law of Mechanical Repair
    After your hands become coated with grease,
    your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

    Law of the Workshop
    Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

    Law of Probability
    The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the
    stupidity of your act.

    Law of the Telephone
    If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

    Law of the Alibi
    If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,

    the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

    Variation Law
    If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start
    to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

    Law of the Bath
    When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    Law of Close Encounters
    The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically
    when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


    Law of the Result
    When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

    Law of Biomechanics
    The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    Law of the Theater
    At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive
    last.

    Law of Coffee
    As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss
    will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

    Murphy's Law of Lockers
    If there are only two people in a locker room,
    they will have adjacent lockers.

    Law of Rugs/Carpets
    The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor

    covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the
    carpet/rug.

    Law of Location
    No matter where you go, there you are.

    Law of Logical Argument
    Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

    Brown's Law
    If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

    Oliver's Law
    A closed mouth gathers no feet.

    Wilson's Law
    As soon as you find a product that you really like,
    they will stop making it.

    Doctors' Law
    If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor,
    by the time you get there you'll feel better.
    Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.
     
  2. Wulf

    Wulf Premium Member

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    Da-yum! :roll:

    Add one to that list:

    ...If you're readin' MrAp's posts first thing in the morinin'...you'll have coffee on your monitor and keyboard all day....

    :evil:

    Good one, MrAp. :wink:

    Wulf
     

  3. hud

    hud New Member

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    Great laws! I"ll add my favorite murphy's law.

    "the length of a meeting is directly proportional to the square of the number of people present."
     
  4. SELFDEFENSE

    SELFDEFENSE Premium Member

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    And the Murphy's Law of Murphy's Laws: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong at the worst possible moment.