Laugh of the Day

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by babj615, Dec 13, 2007.

  1. babj615

    babj615 Premium Member

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    /// link ///


    :stupid:
     
  2. Netfotoj

    Netfotoj Premium Member

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    Cowboy meets yuppie

    A West Texas cowboy was herding his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

    The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

    The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

    Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

    "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

    The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

    "You're a consultant for the National Democratic Party." says the cowboy.

    "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

    "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a damn thing about cows.

    .......Now give me back my dog."
     

  3. raul1427

    raul1427 Guest

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    Re: Cowboy meets yuppie

    :clap: :lol: Now, that was funny!
     
  4. QPluralisT

    QPluralisT Guest

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    I like this one:
    Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't. The aged cow was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls. About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick."What happened to you," asked Hillary? "Well," the driver replied, "the Farmer gave me the cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made passionate love to me." "My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary. The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, "I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."

    :party:
     
  5. raul1427

    raul1427 Guest

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    LOL! Not this one is going into my joke book, ... and around the office! LOL!
    :notworthy: :lol: :clap: :) :notworthy: :clap: :clap: :lol: :wink:
     
  6. babj615

    babj615 Premium Member

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    ...more interesting behavior...

    Student Catches Principal Fighting With Student on Cellphone Camera, School Responds By Banning Cellphones:

    //LINK//
     
  7. midtnshooter

    midtnshooter Premium Member

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    A cab driver picked up this nun one day and as they were driving on their way, she noticed the good looking driver kept staring at her from the mirror. She asked him what was on his mind. He told her that it would embarrass her. She told him that after being a nun for as long as she has been, nothing he does or says would embarrass her because she has seen and heard it all. He told her that he has always had a fantasy of kissing a nun. She told him she would kiss him, only if he was single and a Catholic. He got all excited and told her he was single AND a Catholic. She told him to pull over and she would give him a kiss. They pulled into the next alley and that old nun gave him a kiss that would make a hooker blush. After they got back on the road he started to cry. She asked him why he was crying. He said, "Forgive me Sister, for I am NOT single and I am Jewish". She said, "That's okay my son". "Because, I am NOT a nun, my name is Kevin and I am going to a Halloween Party".


    Thank you, Thank you. Jay Leno hear I come.

    :) MTS
     
  8. babj615

    babj615 Premium Member

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    Been awhile since anyone posted a funny here.....

    ...so I give you this....

    :mrgreen: :mrgreen:
     
  9. Netfotoj

    Netfotoj Premium Member

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    Lordy, looks like Jed Clampett and his clan, rolling down from the hills to Beverly...

    Here's a joke making the rounds in Washington, D.C.

    Sure is a strange campaign season for the Democrats. The Senator from New York who was born in Illinois is running against the Senator from Illinois who was born ... in a manger. :mrgreen: :pray: :doh: :naughty: :sick: :silenced: :wall: :shock: :x :cry: :evil: