Just the facts, ma'am

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by Netfotoj, Aug 27, 2007.

  1. Netfotoj

    Netfotoj Premium Member

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    Facts:

    (My comments in parentheses) Feel free to add your own and repost.

    1.) A shrimp's heart is in its head. (Who knew shrimp were such romantics?)

    2.) The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

    3.) Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants. (So kill a rat, quick, before it multiplies)

    4.) Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times. (I’ll remember that next time I’m on an airline flight)

    5.) If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14, Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July 16, 1969 make it illegal for U. S. citizens to have any contact with extraterrestrials or their vehicles? (The Roswell statute?)

    6.) In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.

    7.) A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

    8.) 23% of all photocopier faults world-wide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts. (Try explaining that to the copy repairman)

    9.) Most lipstick contains fish scales. (I ain’t kissing nobody with lipstick on, ever again)

    10.) Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

    11.) If you sneeze too hard you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. If you keep your eyes open by force they can pop out. (And your butt can fall off, too)

    12.) In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand. (On the other hand, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid never take their heads out of the sand – or out of their butts, either)

    13.) It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky. (But even a blind hog finds an acorn now and then)

    14.) A pregnant goldfish is called a twit. (So the next time you call some idiot a twit, you’re calling him a fat goldfish?)

    15.) More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call. (Sign me up for no calls, please)

    16.) Horses can't vomit. (I’m envious)

    17.) Butterflies taste with their feet. (So what does everything taste like, toe jam?)

    18.) In 10 minutes, a category three hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.

    19.) On average 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year. (Ballpoint pens don’t kill people, stupid people who swallow ballpoint pens commit suicide)

    20.) On average people fear spiders more than they do death. (Snakes, too)

    21.) Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants. (No wonder they’re always running up such huge bills, they’re lost. Yet another good reason to stay the hell out of NYC)

    22.) Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married. (The other 65 percent are idiots)

    23.) Elephants are the only animals that can't jump. (Not counting 60-year-old white men)

    24.) Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. (I’m already more than halfway there)

    25.) It's possible to lead a cow upstairs... but not downstairs. (But why would you want to lead a cow upstairs?)

    26.) Women blink nearly twice as much as men. (Because men give them twice as much to blink about)

    27.) It is physically impossible for you to lick your elbow. (But why would you want to?)

    28.) The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building. (If engineers had built the earth, we’d all fall off)

    29.) A snail can sleep for three years. (Now that’s what I call a real nap)

    30.) No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

    31.) Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. (My grandpa, how big your ears and nose are)

    32.) The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (As a torture device)

    33.) All polar bears are left handed. (Hey, I’m white and left-handed, but I’m not near as mean as a polar bear, except for first thing in the morning when I wake up)

    34.) In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes. (Ouch! Even down there?)

    35.) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (And a man’s [dirty word deleted] is also bigger than his brain)

    36.) TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.

    37.) "Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. (So don’t just sit there – Go! Just don’t go on me)

    38.) If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand 7 feet, 2 inches tall. (And she would kick a$$)

    39.) A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out. (How would you figure that out and survive? Open wide, please – Oops!)

    40.) The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. (So how did Daniel Boone light his cigars? Did he carry a Zippo?)

    41.) Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. (I can handle an acre a day by myself)

    42.) Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow. (Go ahead and try it, I dare you)
     
  2. xjrat

    xjrat Premium Member

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    #18). and in 5 minutes michael moore releases more toxic waste from his mouth then all the
    nuclear power plants on earth combined!!! (rosie o is about there too)
     

  3. SELFDEFENSE

    SELFDEFENSE Premium Member

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    "Just the facts, ma'am"
    ------------------------------
    Funny, I just rented Dragnet from the video store and realized it was a CD of the radio broadcast, including the first in 1954.