Becoming Illegal

Discussion in 'The Pub' started by babj615, Aug 1, 2007.

  1. babj615

    babj615 Premium Member

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    Subject: : BECOMING ILLEGAL (Actual letter from an Iowa resident to his senator)

    The Honorable Tom Harkin
    731 Hart Senate Office Building
    Phone (202) 224 3254
    Washington DC, 20510

    Dear Senator Harkin,

    As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask
    for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine
    the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

    My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from
    the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of
    this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years,
    all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five
    years.

    I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone
    figures it out.

    Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited
    about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way
    that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family
    because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

    Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health
    care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I
    could save almost $10,000 a year.

    Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential
    treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many
    colleges throughout the United States for my son.

    Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's
    license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that
    I still have college age children driving my car.

    If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and
    copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

    Thank you for your assistance.

    Your Loyal Constituent,

    ////name withheld////
     
  2. SELFDEFENSE

    SELFDEFENSE Premium Member

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    Would be funny if it weren't so true.